we write chatfic a surprising amount. here, have some sherlock

[thatdamneddame]

So, found this on tumblr and showed it to immortal_teacup. Chatfic ensued. Is anyone really surprised?

immortal_teacup: ahhhhh i want that fic. because sherlock would think he was being funny, and john would just give him this look that says you're lucky i don't need that cane anymore or i would beat you with it

thatdamneddame: and then would laugh when sherlock gets sunburnt and sullen, telling him he deserves it

immortal_teacup: yessss and he'd hold out for a couple days, abut then when sherlock starts peeling everywhere he'd rub aloe on his shoulders, but i bet sherlock would find the peeling fascinating for about a day, adn leave strips of gross skin places and john would freak, but then he'd just whine and flop about cringing because everything hurts

thatdamneddame: and then john would buy him more aloe, and mycroft would text sherlock, what would mummy say? you always were a delicate boy

immortal_teacup: hahaha sherlock would make this ridiculous horrifying noise of anguish and hate at his archenemy, adn john would've just been walking in the room and when sherlock turns around, john's just sort of frozen there, this constipated look of restrained laughter on his face as he holds a cup of tea,

thatdamneddame: hahahahha yes, and then when they get home mrs. hudson asks how their trip was, and sherlock just bemoans how beaches don't make sense, and john shows her pictures of sherlock, sunburnt and petulant, on his laptop

immortal_teacup: i bet there's be some great pics of sherlock trying to look angsty and broody, but there's some small child throwing sand nearby adn sherlock just looks so put out, and some of him poking hermit crabs with sticks, and bending over all stork-like, all knees adn elbows, trying to see clearly into small wave pools to see if there  are any interesting creatures. and im' sure sherlock threw some seaweed at john and then gave proceeded to run away like a ninny as john cursed and tried to shove sand down sherlock;'s shorts

thatdamneddame: hahahaha, and then sherlock saw some kid building sandcastles, and became fascinated with how to build the sturdiest castle, or the one least likely to get damaged by the tide, and watson just messes it all up by trying to get sherlock to build more turrets or make windows out of sea glass

immortal_teacup: sherlock would send him away with a glare, sand in his hair, and john would come back to the peace offering of those little flags that they stick in sandwiches? and some plastic swords for creating a line of defense

thatdamneddame: and then, of course, he buys sherlock an eyepatch and a bandana, and tells him it's okay if he still wants to be a pirate. no one will judge him on a beach holiday

immortal_teacup: sherlock just looks at them, the eyepatch dangling from one finger and the bandana just sort of hanging there, and then he gets this small smile, like after john shot the cabbie, adn asks if john will help him put on the eyepatch because he doesn't want snag his hair in it

thatdamneddame: askdjkjdsahad

thatdamneddame: and then when john relents, and puts the eye patch on, sherlock shoves a bunch of wet sand down his swim trunks

immortal_teacup: klasjflk yessssss and then runs off shouting gleefully about being the dread pirate sherlock, master of the beach, and john just stands there, sand in places there should not be sand, and then grabs a bucket and tears off after him, yelling something aobut how he'll contaminate all the experiments in the kitchen with sand

thatdamneddame: hahahahahaha and sherlock tells him that he wouldn't dare, mrs hudson would kill him for tracking sand throughout the place, and john tells him that she might be fine with it if it finally got the eyeballs out of the fridge

immortal_teacup: truth, or the owl feathers from the coat closet. besides, ms hudson loves john, possibly more than sherlock, because when was the last time ms hudson brought sherlock a slice of her victorian sponge cake? and sherlock gets this affronted look, you lie! and john is like, but do i?

immortal_teacup: because ms hudson makes the best victorian sponge cake, hands down, even mycroft has asked about it, but ms hudson just sniffs and says its for special occasions

thatdamneddame: hahahahahahaha and mycroft sends his spies to the house to steal her recipies, but sherlock always stops them

thatdamneddame: that's who he was fighting season 1 ep 2

thatdamneddame: mycroft's spy

immortal_teacup: hahaha yessss, he'd have all kinds of simplisitc traps set up, think home alone, because mycroft's men are expecting mad genius and rube goldberg machines, not super glue and feathers, or cleverly hidden trip wires

immortal_teacup: and sherlock would say something about the classics, simplicity always working, and john would just point to some elaborate chemistry thing in the kitchen and sherlock's all like john that's completely different!

thatdamneddame: and john just says, as long as I don't get another bucket of paint dumped on me again before i go for an interview, because you are paying for the dry cleaning